Seven Things We Want From The Dark Tower Movies
by Brian Tallerico

3. A New Face in Front of the Camera

The big question on everyone's mind above and beyond the camera, won't be who calls "action" but who chases the man in black when they do? Who could possibly play Roland and could commit to it? It's incredibly rare to read this suggestion for such a beloved property, but Abrams would be better off going with someone new. Anyone with a recognizable name will bring too much baggage associated with, even if its just presence alone. As well, whoever is cast as Roland will need to have Daniel Radcliffe-levels of devotion to the project in order to prevent recasting a new lead every three years. The temptation to put a "star" in Roland's boots will be strong. That's the big problem here. Every person who could conceivably pull off this complex a part (of course, Christian Bale comes immediately to mind) is followed by a handful of people who would be a really, really bad idea. Let me put it this way - I think Lost is as great as the next guy, but Matthew Fox as Roland would be a total disaster. So, why not start completely fresh? Abrams and Lindelof proved with Lost that they could take a group of barely recognizable actors and turn them into stars. Do it again. Find the next star, and cast him as Roland. Of course, he doesn't have to be completely green with inexperience, but this project will have enough expectations to hurdle in order to take flight. Why allow a famous actor to put his baggage in the carry-on when you could stow it in the supporting cargo hold?

4. An "R" Rating - No Dim Tower

"He was stabbed in the shoulder. He was stabbed in the back. He was hit across the ribs. He was stabbed in the ass. A small boy squirmed at him and made the only deep cut, across the bulge of his calf. The gunslinger blew his head off." - it's not like that's my e-mail signature or a personal bit of literature I have memorized. That's a quote from simply opening The Gunslinger and looking for something dark. It took one page. These are bloody, scary, intense books. This is the one piece of advice in this feature that is the least likely to be followed by Hollywood, but it needs to be said or else this could break the franchise in half - The Dark Tower movies HAVE to be rated "R". Let them be as bloody and dark as they need to be without dumbing it down for the masses. Admittedly, you can get away with more in a PG-13 nowadays than we ever thought possible when the rating was created, but we worry about the vividly brutal imagery being turned into something more blandly palpable for the mainstream. From day one, these films need to be dark Westerns made for adults. Anyone who thinks that they can be cash cows by making them into the "next Narnia" or the "next Harry Potter," turning them into tween fantasies, should be fired from the production immediately... And kicked out of Hollywood. And stabbed in the shoulder, back, ribs, and ass... for starters.

5. Stephen King

Stephen King made a big deal of handing the reins off to Abrams and Lindelof for $19 (a number that has significance to fans of the book), but he needs to be involved along with the visionary artists who created the landmark illustrations for the book. Michael Whelan did the art for the first and final book. As fun as it was to watch Thomas Jane working on a Dark Tower poster in The Mist, no one but Whelan should do it. King and Whelan will be the ones who give the films a visual and thematic consistency from chapter to chapter. One of the worst things that could happen to The Dark Tower would be for the first two movies to be big hits and then the third goes off the rails into X-Men: The Last Stand territory. It's unlikely that one director will helm them all, but they, whoever they are, need to come from the same head space. As much fun as it might be to see Chan-wook Park's Wolves of the Calla or Richard Kelly's Song of Susannah, they would never blend into the series as a whole. The Lord of the Rings films are the best example of films that feel independent, but can also be watched as a consistent unified, moviegoing experience. Only King can be the guiding force to make sure the same thing happens with The Dark Tower.

6. Valued Drama Over Action

It's going to be really, really tempting to turn The Dark Tower into a summer movie franchise. Just the scope alone requires a big budget, and that might influence Abrams and Lindelof to focus their energy on the action set-pieces. Don't get us wrong, they need to be good. But The Dark Tower feels more like a December franchise to us. It's not a Memorial Day tentpole. Leave the summer to the super heroes and stake out the territory that made LOTR an Oscar-winning franchise. And don't forget to leave the focus where it really matters - Roland and the man in black, the gunslinger's relationship with Jake, the existential ending - don't devalue the deeper themes of the novel to make "something go boom".

7. Hurry Up

It's taken us 30 years to even get to this point. Don't make us wait another three decades for it to end. Honestly, get to work, guys. If you wait too long, this whole project could turn into "Roland the Gunslinger and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls". Trust me, NO ONE wants to see that. If Indy has taught us anything in recent months, it's that too much time breeds too much expectation, which breeds too much room for failure. Get to it.