The 2008 Britney Spears Horoscope
by Tom Burns

Leo (July 24 to August 23):

The animal sign for Leo is, of course, a lion, and those regal felines travel in packs called "prides." That couldn’t be a more appropriate word because Leos are all about the pride. They are proud, willful creatures who would rather, say, go on Dateline NBC and refuse to admit to any wrong-doing than simply saying, "OK, you’re right. A car seat probably would’ve been a good idea." During her Leo period in 2007, Britney’s divorce from Kevin Federline was finally finalized. In 2008, Leos should stand up for themselves more often, be more independent, and resist being pigeon-holed. However, remember when we mentioned that Leos also have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong? On August 9, 2007, Federline sued for primary custody of their two children, which - given all the stuff Britney apparently (and reportedly} refused to admit was probably a bad idea - was a fairly easy case to win. Stand proud in ’08, Leos, but, if you give your baby a bottle filled with Pepsi, know when to say you’re sorry.

Virgo (August 24 to September 23):

Virgo is possibly the most surprisingly vulnerable of all the zodiac signs in the horoscope, which might surprise you because most Virgos are skilled at giving off a palpable "can-do" vibe, always living in the moment and moving on to the next thing before someone points out, say, how ridiculous they look in those black sequined hot pants. Forget "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know." Virgos don’t want to be the FIRST to know. They want to make a big splash and never look back. But it doesn’t always work out, particularly in the YouTube era. Britney opened September 2007 with her disastrous performance of "Gimme More" at the Video Music Awards on the 9th, and the month didn’t get any better. Her lawyer and manager quit on the 16th, she got hit with court-appointed random drug tests on the 17th, and she was charged with several vehicular misdemeanor counts on the 21st. The key word for Virgos in 2008 is "consequences." Being adaptable and forward-focused is great, only if you’re not working in a vacuum. Sometimes things come back to bite you on the ass and, if you’re not careful, it might even be your ass itself.

Libra (September 24 to October 23):

While Virgos might pretend that they’re the perfect pro-active plastics of the Spears era, Libras are the real deal. While a single year in Britney’s life might be filled with thousands of confrontations - from aggressive paparazzi to an angry Lindsay Lohan in the bathroom at Hyde - Libras actually most concerned with avoiding conflict or, if nothing else, trying to figure out how to mend fences after the bad stuff hits the fan. Case in point: Two seemingly horrible things happened to Britney at the beginning of her Libra cycle in ’07 - she lost custody of her kids on October 1 and was booked on hit-and-run charges on October 16. While a Leo might have just told the judge to kiss their Toxic ass, the Libra Britney knew better. She worked the system and, on October 20, she apologized and settled with the hit-and-run victim out of court and, the very next day, regained visitation rights with her children. Learn from Britney’s example, 2008 Libras. You don’t have to stop getting into barroom altercations or driving without a license, provided that you can figure out a way to get out of trouble before things move to litigation.

Scorpio (October 24 to November 22):

Scorpios might sound all tough and bad-ass - flaunting their armor and venomous stingers - but almost no other zodiac sign reacts worse to emotional rejection. That being said, it looked like Britney made a fatal error by choosing to release her long-delayed comeback album, Blackout, during the Scorpio cycle on October 27. But the best of Scorpios thrive on taking negative energy and channeling it into something more constructive - a good plan of attack for 2008 Scorpios - so perhaps Britney was just daring the universe to hit her with its best shot. The plan may have worked. While the album was mocked as expected in many circles, it did open at Number 1 on the Billboard charts and won largely favorable reviews from the mainstream outlets. Granted, the album sales have since dropped heavily and you may be hard-pressed to find "Gimme More" on the radio, but Britney took what should have been a VMA-level punchline and turned it into a minor success, in true Scorpio fashion. Remember to shoot for the stars in ’08, Scorpios, and never resist a chance to tempt fate.

Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21):

As we close out the 2007 Britney Spears zodiac calendar, firmly ensconced under the sign of Sagittarius, we’re left to wonder about two things - how will Britney yet again shock the world before 2007 finally whimpers to a halt and where will the universe take Brit in 2008? That wide open realm of possibility suits the Sagittarian particularly well, as they’re traditionally filled with an almost limitless wanderlust and hunger for personal freedom. There are many paths in front of Britney at the moment, ranging from Christmas at home with supervized visits with the kids to preparing for her next court custody appearance with K-Fed in January. As we enter 2008, every Sagittarian needs to look at their own personal "Girl in the Mirror" and decide where they want to end up - on the gossip pages or shaking their booty to a new track from Timbaland. Sit down with a Capricorn to talk about goals, grab a Libra to help make a plan of attack, and have a Cancer teach you a thing or two about emotional commitment, and 2008 should be a lot less "Chaotic" than 2007.