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Movie Matchmaker: The Perfect Director for a Discworld Movie
by Tom Burns
DISCWORLD MEDIA SO FAR:
Although the Discworld books have sold ridiculously well in the UK and internationally, Pratchett has never shown much interest in film adaptations, publicly citing his previously painful experiences in Hollywood while trying to develop a film version of Good Omens, the comic novel he co-wrote with Sandman author Neil Gaiman. (Last we heard, Terry Gilliam has been trying to make a Good Omens movie for years.) However, in the United Kingdom, there have been several radio play adaptations of Discworld books, not to mention stage plays, animated specials, computer games, and one live-action BBC mini-series that debuted last November based on the novel Hogfather.
 However, it was announced back in January 2006 that Spider-Man helmer Sam Raimi would be adapting Pratchett’s Discworld-set, young adult novel Wee Free Men for the big screen, with a script by Corpse Bride screenwriter Pamela Pettler. Wee Free Men follows a headstrong young girl (and potential witch) named Tiffany Aching who teams up with the Nac Mac Feegle (rowdy, drunken miniature Scotsmen) to save her little brother from a vicious fairy queen. Raimi’s an interesting choice (not our first pick) to direct – perhaps his experience with the mini-Ashes in Army of Darkness sold the studio on his ability to bring the Feegles to life – but, following Spider-Man 3, we haven’t heard any new updates on this one. With Raimi’s return to horror, Drag Me to Hell, now casting (Alison Lohman and Justin Long are set), the recent news of his negotiations to revive Jack Ryan, and his new fantasy TV series Wizard’s First Rule in pre-production, we’re not confident that we’ll be hearing any Wee Free Men news anytime soon.
THE MATCH: OUR PICK FOR THE PERFECT DIRECTOR
So what are the must-haves for any potentially perfect Discworld director? They need to be skilled at humor and satire, they need to be able to stress character over genre trappings, they need a firm visual flair, they need to British, and, quite frankly, they need to be a little bit of a geek. Our pick? Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz director Edgar Wright.
 Think about it. He’s PERFECT. Shaun and Fuzz took the ordinary zombie and action movies and exploded them from within, creating hilariously funny stories that reinvigorated the genres with a fresh dose of perspective, emotion, character, and self-awareness. That’s exactly what Pratchett has done for the fantasy genre in print. He can do comedy, action, and drama (there are some surprisingly stirring moments in Shaun, particularly in the Winchester), and all without losing the beautiful English-ness of his subjects (Hot Fuzz being probably the best example of that so far). Plus he’s completely a geek (as confirmed by his Grindhouse trailer, Spaced, and the fact that he’s developing a freakin’ Ant-Man movie), he’s pals with Peter Jackson (who cameoed as a knife-wielding Santa in Fuzz), so you know WETA will design beyond-brilliant FX for the film, AND he’s also a brilliant screenwriter. Turn Wright and Simon Pegg loose on Discworld, and we’ll bet ten quid that it’ll be the highest grossing movie in UK history (and won’t do too shabby in the rest of the world either).
We even know what’s the perfect Discworld book for him to adapt – GUARDS, GUARDS. This 1989 novel introduced Sam Vimes and the Night Watch, who are, essentially, Ankh-Morpork’s police force and who have become some of Discworld’s most popular recurring characters. Essentially, Pratchett took the traditionally stereotyped castle guards from the fantasy world – the nameless, faceless guys in helmets who lurk in the background waiting for commands (think of the Swamp Castle guards in Monty Python and the Holy Grail) – and turned them into the most three-dimensional lawmen this side of Law & Order. Guards, Guards revolves around Commander Sam Vimes, a life-time guardsman who’s begrudgingly lapsed into complacency (and alcoholism) due to the oppressive Ankh-Morpork bureaucracy that prohibits him from doing his job. (It’s hard to be a cop when assassins and thieves are licensed.) That all changes thanks to the influence of an annoyingly optimistic and by-the-book new recruit, Carrot Ironfoundersson (a human who was raised by dwarves), and a plot by a secret society to overthrow the ruler of Ankh-Morpork, Lord Vetinari, the city Patrician who keeps the peace through the most Machiavellian means possible. Plus the story also has hilarious sidekicks (Sergeant Colon and Corporal “Nobby” Nobbs), a city-spanning mystery, romance, and a freakin’ dragon. It’s got EVERYTHING.
Movie Matchmaker: The Perfect Director for a Discworld Movie Page 3
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