Movie Matchmaker: The Perfect Director for a Discworld Movie
by Tom Burns

The story has a lot of parallels to Hot Fuzz – a formerly ineffective police force finds its inner-ass-kicker thanks to an uncompromising new recruit who helps lead them against the corrupt town fathers – which actually might discourage Wright from taking the job, now that we mention it. But he’s just too perfect and a story this big needs someone who has proven that he can hit all the right character/action beats rather than just some serviceable hack who’s comfortable with a big budget (looking at you, Ratner). But Edgar, please, a Guards, Guards movie has so much fun stuff to play with. We’re talking brilliant roles for actors and one of the best marrying of the fantasy and police procedural genres that has ever been written. Heck, we’re already dream-casting in our heads. While Vimes is often described as a Clint Eastwood-type, we’re leaning more towards Hugh Laurie, who, thanks to House, has really proven that he’s the king of the sympathetic, strangely hero bastards, which is perfect for Vimes. For Vimes’ right-hand men, Colon and Nobby, we’re thinking (the obvious choices) of Nick Frost and a very heavily made-up Simon Pegg (sorry to cast you as Nobby, Simon, but you’ve been the charming romantic lead long enough). For Carrot, you’d need a young Brendan Fraser-type, a buff, lovable, thick-headed idealist bathed in obliviousness. What about Jamie Bamber (Apollo from Battlestar Galactica, who’s actually English) or, if you want to go American and really get someone to match Carrot’s six-foot-six physicality, what about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? He’s not an obvious choice for an English comedy, but Carrot is almost written as a parody of the squared-jawed hero stereotype, so why not give Dwayne a chance? For the slimy, scary Lord Vetinari, Alan Rickman is way, way too obvious (though he’d probably be brilliant). What about Bill Nighy or Malcolm McDowell?

ALTERNATES

We’re really married to this idea of Wright directing a Discworld movie, but, if it just won’t happen, who should we try next? Peter Jackson is the most obvious choice in terms of fantasy experience, but his comedic sensibilities (which you can get a feel for in Bad Taste and Meet the Feebles) aren’t a good fit for Pratchett’s. For almost the same reason, we’d discount Sam Raimi as well. Danny Boyle might work. There’s some brilliant black comedy in Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, and even in the underrated Life Less Ordinary, and he proved with Millions that he can craft an intelligent family-friendly fantasy. George Miller might be another good candidate, but the man who brought us Mad Max, Babe: Pig in the City, and Happy Feet, will probably be busy with the Justice League movie for a while. If Mike Newell could bring the comedic spark he brought to Four Weddings and a Funeral to a Guards, Guards movie, that’d be great, but we definitely weren’t fans of his paint-by-numbers, staid adaptation of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. So, let’s just stay with Edgar now, shall we?

CONCLUSION

This seems like such a no-brainer. Discworld is one of the best-selling series of books in publishing history. Guards, Guards is a great entrance point to Terry Pratchett’s fictional universe that blends the best in big-budget LOTR fantasy filmmaking with a wicked sense of humor and an amazingly accessible three-act police procedural mystery. Edgar Wright is a writer/director with a fantastic track record who, in every way possible, is a perfect match for Discworld, a filmmaker, who we have no doubt, could truly understand what’s so appealing about the series and make a movie that shows the audience the best that Pratchett has to offer and tells a damn good story to boot. So let’s all start bugging our neighborhood studio heads to green light an Edgar Wright Discworld movie, and we can all show Hollywood that that big-screen fantasy has a life beyond Frodo and Harry Potter.