Iron Man: Underneath the Armor
by Tom Burns

Warning: There is a spoiler or two in here, but this is mostly our theories, based on what we know to date. Just don't say we didn't warn you.

It’s hard to find a niche in the movie superhero world nowadays. Sure, Batman has the coolest cars and Spider-Man gets all the press, but does any other hero have their own Black Sabbath song? Let Spidey be happy with his cartoon jingle and Bruce Wayne can keep his Prince soundtrack - Iron Man, the original repulsor-blasting armored industrialist, has the coolest theme song EVER, thanks to Ozzy and company. And that’s just one of a million reasons why we’re so excited about this summer’s newest Marvel Comics movie. Granted, Iron Man doesn’t have the name recognition of Superman, Wonder Woman, or the X-Men, but he’s one of the film-friendly superheroes in history. Trust us - when Michael Bay goes to sleep at night in his Ferrari-shaped bed on his mattress stuffed with euros, he DREAMS of being Tony Stark, a liquored-up, supermodel-shagging CEO by day and a bleeding-edge, tech-powered super-vigilante by night.

It’s not surprising that Hollywood has been trying to develop an Iron Man feature for years, and it’s equally not surprising that it hasn’t been easy to do so. Aside from the fact that any Iron Man movie needs a big enough budget to make you believe that a man in a billion-dollar exo-suit can actually fly and punch through walls, you also have to cast a lead actor who can convincingly portray a man who’s been variously described as a twenty-first century Howard Hughes, a drunken hedonist, and a selfless superhero. Those are big shoes to fill, both for FX houses and leading men. Fortunately, Marvel Studios has seemingly found their perfect IT team to boot Iron Man onto the big screen with Jon Favreau directing and Robert Downey Jr. starring as Tony Stark.

Can the Swinger and the Pick-Up Artist pull it off or will this be another Ang Lee Hulk movie that everyone tries to forget and gets remade five years from now? Since we here at The Deadbolt have been hurt before by Marvel movies - damn you, Ghost Rider - we’ve assembled a dossier on the upcoming Iron Man, sifting through the official (and unofficial) info that’s leaked out about the production. Take a look at what we’ve gathered so far, and ask yourself: "Is he alive or dead? / Has he thoughts within his head? / We’ll just pass him there / Why should we even care?"

THE DEADBOLT DOSSIER ON IRON MAN:

BACKSTORY:

Unlike some of the other heroes of the 2008 summer movie season - we’re thinking of Batman and Indy Jones, specifically - not everyone and their grandmother is familiar with who Iron Man is. For those unaware, Iron Man is a Marvel Comics hero who debuted back in 1963. His true identity is Tony Stark, an engineering genius/trust-fund playboy who inherits a multi-billion-dollar corporation, Stark Industries, from his father. While watching a test of his company’s weapons technology in Vietnam (his origin has since been updated, swapping Vietnam for the Middle East), Stark is gravely injured and captured by the enemy. His captors demand that Stark build them weapons of mass destruction, but the crafty whiz-kid instead builds himself an amazing armored suit that both keeps him alive and gives him the ability to kick a whole lot of ass. After wiping out his kidnappers, Stark keeps up his Iron Man persona - who he portrays as Stark’s bodyguard and his company’s mascot - and uses the expensive exo-skeleton to fight threats to his business and the free world as a whole. Tony is joined in his quest by Jim Rhodes, an Air Force veteran who becomes Tony’s friend, ally, and eventually takes up his own suit of armor (called War Machine), and Virginia "Pepper" Potts, his tenacious personal assistant.

Over the years, Iron Man has fought a wide rogue’s gallery of international evil, including The Mandarin, The Spy Master, The Crimson Dynamo, Titanium Man, and alcoholism... that’s right, Tony Stark has a big time problem with the bottle, as best portrayed in the classic, character-defining story-arc "Demon in the Bottle". Stark has largely kicked the booze-monkey off his back and, most recently, made press during Marvel’s Civil War mini-series for battling national icon Captain America over the Superhuman Registration Act - legislation that would require all superheroes to register themselves with the government and be legally accountable for their actions - a battle that the pro-registration Iron Man won.

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