What We Want From the Star Wars TV Series (And What We Don't)
by Tom Burns

(This is a feature that uses a lot of speculation and available information, so it doesn't really need a traditional 'spoiler warning', but if you like to remain completely spoiler-free and what we hope will happen actually does come to pass, don't say we didn't warn you. Oh yeah, and Darth Vader is Luke's father. Sorry, we had to spoil something for you.)

It’s always been a little odd that Star Wars has never had its own TV show. Let’s be honest - it’s not like George Lucas is shy about licensing his favorite franchise to just about any media or medium that can fork over enough Imperial credits. Every day, hordes of children stroll through the malls of America, wearing their Emperor Palpatine underpants, swinging purple Mace Windu lightsabers, and taking hits off their Burned-Up Anakin asthma inhalers. There are Star Wars comic books, video games, novels, graphic novels, cartoon series, webisodes - why not a live-action TV series? It’s not like it’s without precedent. There were the made-for-TV Ewok movies ("Starcruiser, starcruiser, crash, crash!") and the Star Wars TV Christmas Special (there’s a reason it’s one of the most bootlegged videos in fandom history - if you watch closely, you can actually see Harrison Ford’s soul die on camera.) Plus it would really, really cheese off the Star Trekkers, who have always used their gigantic catalog of syndicated episodes to passive aggressively assert their superiority over the motley six-episode-only Star Warriors.

With all that in mind, it’s hard to understand why Lucas waited so long to greenlight a Star Wars series, but thankfully, he’s finally caught on that TV is the place to be for real science fiction these days. (If anyone doubts that statement, check out Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Doctor Who, or Torchwood, and apologize to us later.) In 2008 we’ll see the debut of the Cartoon Networks CGI Clone Wars animated series and, allegedly, in 2009, Lucas is set to premiere Star Wars: The Live Action Series. Writers are being hired, storylines are being fleshed out, conceptual artists are... conceptualizing - it looks like it’s really going to happen.

With that in mind, we here at The Deadbolt thought that we’d assemble a quick overview of what we know about the series so far and, more importantly, compose our own list of what we definitely want (and don’t want) to see in a live-action Star Wars TV show. Take a look at our meager suggestions, and we’ll get back to silk-screening 10,000 "More Lobot, Less Galactic Senate" T-shirts.

WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR ABOUT STAR WARS: THE SERIES:

Back in April 2005, just before Revenge of the Sith hit movie screens, Lucas made a rare appearance at the annual Star Wars Celebration fan convention (i.e., the only place in the world where you can get laid while dressed as Salacious Crumb) and announced the development of the animated Clone Wars series and the live-action Star Wars series. He told fans that the show would take place in the timeframe between Revenge of the Sith and the original Star Wars film, setting the show in the Ben Kenobi-termed "Dark Times" - a period when the Empire spread across the galaxy, the last of the Jedi were wiped out, and Darth Vader force-choked anyone who even look at him funny.

While the animated Clone Wars series came together relatively quickly, the development of the live-action program (at least, from a fan perspective) has been decidedly slower. Small bits of news seem to trickle out every few months. When If Magazine asked McCallum back in 2006 what to expect from the series, he said "Think about bounty hunter, that’s all I can tell you." In June 2006, TMZ reported that Lucasfilm was interviewing writers for the show in California and was considering some scribes who had written for Lost and Heroes. In September 2007, Lucas told TV Guide that "It's the Star Wars universe, but it's characters from the saga who were [previously] minor, and it follows their stories. It's set between [movie episodes] III and IV, when the Empire has taken over. It's like Episode IV in that the Emperor and Darth Vader are heard about - people talk about them - but you never see them because it doesn't take place where they actually are. There are storm troopers and all that, but there are no Jedis." An October 2007 report from Aint-it-Cool-Newssuggested that the series would feature lots of Imperial intrigue, references to previously minor characters (including Thall Joben from the short-lived Droids animated series), pod-racing, and the ever-important Death Star plans. Back in November 2007, according to theforce.net, McCallum allegedly told a French Star Wars convention that six writers had been hired and that they’ve already started work on the show. We’ve also heard that Lucas plans to produce and write during the series’ first season, it’s planned to start as a 100-episode cable series, and that, if successful (right... IF), the show might spin-off into four separate series. And those are just the highlights.

What can we infer from all that? Here are our own reckless, baseless suppositions (it’s what we specialize in here at The Deadbolt):

The series will follow a multitude of character-based storylines - much like Heroes - that will occasionally converge during sweeps months. We’ll have a bounty hunter plotline that introduces a new intergalactic space-bail-bondsman into the mix, showing us the seamier side of the Star Wars universe. (Boba Fett will appear though - more on that later.) We’ll follow some new Imperial recruits - some true Palpatine believers, some a little more dubious... we’re imagining an Alias agent/counteragent vibe. There’ll be a whole Tatooine-set storyline, following pod-racing, the slave situation (one of the most dangling plot threads ever from Phantom Menace), the Hutts and their mafia organization, green dancing girls, and the founding of the Mos Eisley Cantina. (C’mon, it can be the Cheers of the 21st century! Maybe they can get Bea Arthur to resume her role as the singing bartender from the Christmas Special.) And we’ll see the early days of the Rebel resistance - no Leia or anything, but lots of stuff set on Alderan and perhaps some cameos from Mon Mothma and the "many Bothians" who died to steal the Death Star Plans.

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