STUDIO: Midway Games
RELEASE DATE: October 13, 2008
CONSOLE: XBox 360
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: PS3
DEVELOPER: Midway Games
GENRE: Sports
PLAYERS: 1 - 2
ESRB RATING: M

When it comes to simulation games, there are generally two options - games that reproduce reality to an obsessive, almost freakish level and games that give you the Cliff Notes version of reality. For example, while some people might enjoy learning the function of every button and lever in Microsoft Flight Simulator X - a game where you can barely leave the ground without a full pilots ranking - other people just want to plug into Blazing Angels, go up-down-left-right, and shoot everything they can. It all just depends on what you want from the experience. If the EA Madden games fall more into the category of obsessive football sims, then Midway's Blitz games definitely fall into the "quick and dirty" category.

The Madden franchise might be the official gamer franchise of the NFL, but Blitz - particularly The League II - seems like the official franchise of every football-lovin' fratboy looking to pound some pledges into the ground between classes. Now that sounds bad, but it's not a criticism in and of itself. There's definitely something to be said about games that almost anyone can pick up and play without devoting themselves to weeks of training and 100+ hours in campaign mode. There needs to be "quick and dirty" alternatives to Madden Football, and the first Blitz game was a beautiful guilty pleasure of a game, an Any Given Sunday-esque look at the seedier side of professional pigskin. Sadly, The League II doesn't feature any significant improvements on the 2005 original and, instead, just comes across like a slightly lame remake with a few tacked-on special features meant to make the game seem "edgy" and "sensational," but which never really deliver.

The sports gaming world NEEDS a game like Blitz: The League II. While Madden has to keep things relatively vanilla to keep from offending the NFL, there should be other football games that put the uglier side of football front and center. And League II isn't afraid to be ugly. You'll find everything from allusions to the Michael Vick scandal and shady publicly-funded stadium bond issues to steroids, sex, drugs, hookers, violence - the whole nine yards. If Madden is the Knute Rockne: All American of football games, then Blitz is The Last Boy Scout and, to be frank, if both movies are showing late at night on cable - I'm watching Boy Scout.

Given all that, it's really sad how poorly Midway handles their cracker-jack premise. The League II is all flash, no substance. Sure, there's a lot of great window-dressing, but once you get past the funny and salacious extras, there's simply not much to the game. The League II starts promisingly, dropping your character in front of a press conference and having your stats affected by how you answer certain questions. But, once the conference is over, that's all you get in terms of player customization, which seems bizarre when even golf games let you turn your character into spitting image avatars.

The story mode then kicks in - with a plot conceived by former ESPN Playmakers writer Peter Egan - with you starring as a cocky young rookie who rejects a huge deal to play in your hometown's roughneck league. There are lots of funny touches like having Gary Unmarried's Jay Mohr voice your agent, MadTV's Frank Caliendo doing play-by-play in his best Madden voice, and Lawrence Taylor return as the chief bone-breaker of the New York Nightmare, but, as I mentioned, the problem with The League II has nothing to do with surface details. Just like in the original Blitz, you're playing uber-violent gridiron football with a few rule changes to keep things interesting and a shaky moral code, which allows you to "clash" with your opponents (as in late hits and sucker punches) or "juice" your teammates (i.e. dope them up to keep them playing on a bad injury). Unfortunately, so much attention is placed on creating the "world" of Blitz - with hookers and shady business deals - that not enough attention was placed out on the field.

And that's a shame because the off-the-field antics aren't that interesting either. Sure, there are some great (and really funny) cut scenes that fill in the dirty details of The League, but that's just it - they're mostly unplayable cut scenes where you, as a gamer, just have to sit back and watch. Maybe if the game was more pure sim and you could actually go to a club or organize a dogfight, it'd be more interesting. But, as is, the shock value isn't enough to sell the final product. And the one big selling point of The League II - the precision-aim tackles that allow you to pick the body part on your opponent that you want to destroy - gets old after your second game. Yes, it's funny that you can rupture a man's testicles, but is that really enough to make me want to come back to this game for football thrills? Not likely.

As I eluded, the gameplay in Blitz: The League II is nothing to write home about. Granted, yes, this is supposed to be much more of an arcade game than Madden, but, thanks to some truly retarded AI, once you've mastered a few of the clash-meter combinations, it's far, far too easy to dominate the playing field. (I will admit that League II is infinitely more fun on online multiplayer.) If you're down by a touchdown and there's less than a minute on the clock, the AI will do almost anything this side of spreading Flubber on the underside of your cleats to make sure you've got a chance for a last minute comeback. Plus you can expect interceptions and hurt players almost every 2 minutes, which, while exciting at first, turns into a really cheap (and borderline annoying) thrill after a few games. And, while the tackles and sound are actually really well-done - you'll find yourself wincing with phantom pains for your players - the character animation is odd and awkward, particularly as your receivers heavily lurch after passes that should be easy catches.

If you want to spend an afternoon goofing on the stupid excesses of professional football, bonding with slightly inebriated pals, and groaning like you're watching outtakes from skater videos, then Blitz: The League II might be the game for you. If you looking for anything deeper than an exploded gonad, then you might want to look to another football franchise.