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My Bloody Valentine Filled with Swings, Misses, and 3D Connects
by Larson Hill
Synopsis:
 Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up...and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.
Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them...
28 Years Later
So, 28 years after the original My Bloody Valentine, I went to see the newly released remake in all of its 3D glory and lived to tell that, despite how it's not nearly as frightening as the original, I did have a bloody good time. Why? Well, first, it takes me back to what makes horror fun - blood, guts, and T&A. Second, I wasn't expecting the intellect and suspense of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. And third, it was 3D. Not just 3D, but 3D wrapped in modern package called "real," and there's just no way you can take a 3D horror movie seriously (real or not) on a critical level. Not yet, anyway.
 But that's not to say the Bloody Valentine remake is a cinematic masterpiece, it's not, and neither was the original. It's a killer in a coalmine with a pick-axe for God sake. But a good time and a great film are two different things. The first 15 minutes are killer. But now that My Bloody Valentine has been remade under the 3D umbrella, to debatable degrees of success after the many exhausted Scream knock-offs, at least the remake brings the fun of '80s slasher pics and the original My Bloody Valentine back into the horror fold. Above all, that's what I like best about the remake.
The Bloody "Remake"
One problem with remade movies and new audiences is that it's often impossible to recapture the magic of a different time. It's not so much about the film as it is the era, the dynamics surrounding the film, and the mentality of moviegoers from years earlier. There's no problem at all with remaking a film, but how can you duplicate the added excitement of a movie released during the explosion of the home video market? Some remakes do find new audiences and do justice to the original concepts and films. I can point to The Fly and The Thing as two fine examples of successful remakes that have stood the test of time. The Ring and Dawn of the Dead? Sure. But despite the fact that some remakes go on to become either critical or financial hits, and recapture a certain retro magic while laying new foundations for the future, there's a long list of swings and misses. In recent years, we’ve seen a ton, including When a Stranger Calls, Black Christmas, Night of the Living Dead, The Amityville Horror, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Prom Night, and the list goes on. And cross your fingers for the upcoming remake of Last House on the Left.
The First Bloody Valentine:
 When I first heard the remake was coming down the cinematic pike, I rolled my eyes, like I'm sure many people did. But after getting an early sneak peek at the trailer, I started to get pumped with fond memories of the original swinging through my mind. In 1981, My Bloody Valentine was one of the first horror movies to explode on the newly emerging VHS home video market along with the first Friday the 13th. Interestingly enough, My Bloody Valentine and Friday the 13th are almost one in the same, as the original Valentine features the pick-axe wielding miner Harry Warden who went insane after falling victim to his supervisors' ineptitude in a mining accident and became the lone survivor who fed on the flesh and blood of his fellow miners to stay alive. From a screenplay standpoint and the shot of a weapon in the hand of a killer, "INSERT: Pick-axe," instead of machete.
After a stint in a mental hospital, Harry wakes from a coma and kills the two supervisors and issues a warning to the townsfolk of Valentine Bluffs to never again hold a Valentines Days celebration. 20 years later, guess what? Harry's still alive and the townsfolk decide to celebrate, but quickly cancel before a group of teens takes their chances down in the mine. From there, a story similar to Jason's bloody exploits in Friday the 13th plays out.
But here's a funny thing on the way to the theater over two decades later:
Although I take this with a huge grain of salt (and it's worth even less, if anything at all)) the ratings in Rotten Tomatoes have the first Friday the 13th at 70% and the original My Bloody Valentine at 33%. Uh, right. Looks more like complete lunacy to me. I mean Cypress Hill "Hey, Ese, don't you know I'm loco" loony. And now the My Bloody Valentine remake is currently sitting at 72%. So what does that tell you? It doesn't mean the remake is better than the original, that's for sure. But the Phantom, starring Billy Zane, clocks in with a RT rating of 43%, so try to explain that one.
I've spent time inside a coal mine, one that's actually close to where the original My Bloody Valentine was filmed. In fact, Harry Warden and I are from the same place. The 1981 version nails the terrifying imagery that races through your mind once you're alone underneath the surface of civilization. And it's more terrifying than you think when you're not used to the closed confines of a coalmine. When stacking Friday the 13th against My Bloody Valentine, the setting of Valentine is much more "organically" claustrophobic and frightening than Camp Crystal Lake, and it worked. Back in 1981, at the outset of the home video revolution, the timing of My Bloody Valentine was unexpectedly right. As for the remake ...
The Second Bloody Valentine in 3D
 What's largely lost in the remake is the magic and excitement of the era. You can't duplicate what it was like for people to invite their friends over to watch a horror movie in their homes for the very first time. Although both Bloody Valentine and Friday the 13th may have been completely overlooked if the VCR wasn't invented, their popularity is largely due to the then brand new experience of home video. The new Bloody Valentine doesn't contain any of that magic since, well, the size of a big screen hasn't changed that much since 1981 ... it's still big.
The best part, however, is its new and improved "Bloody" namesake. Given the advances in technology since 1981, the remake amps up the gore in a way the original couldn't. There's more blood in the first quarter of the movie than the entire running time of the original. Like I said, the first 15 minutes are killer. If it's Harry and the pick-axe you want, it's what spews out of (and flies from) his victims that you get in spades. And thankfully Lussier and Farmer didn't tinker with the original story too much, as they keep you guessing about the man behind the mask (another Friday the 13th comparison) while throwing enough curve balls into the mix to keep the Valentine gifts the characters receive from going stale. And to their credit, there's enough chick skin in the movie to defibulate the glory days of slasher pics back to life.
Although the new Valentine does contain a few new surprises in the town of “Harmony”, I walked into the theater with an open mind and left with memories of the original untainted and intact. I mean, Harry and the pick-axe are really what's it's all about, anyway. The mental imagery you get from the first film at the thought of Harry Warden trapped in the mine and needs to eat his mine-mates to stay alive is a great foundation for a character. But the remake and original fire on two similar but different cylinders. Since the 1981 version had to rely more on the tension of the claustrophobic confines of the mine and what you didn't see, the new Valentine blows the bloody door wide open thanks to a wide array of technological capabilities and the 3D format. Sure, there's the "what you don't see" aspect, but there's much less of that and a lot more red stuff.
The Bloody 3D
I have to admit that I have a love - hate relationship with 3D. But first let me say that I had fun with the movie, even in the newly enhanced "real" 3D. Like the newness of VCRs at the time of the first film, the remake offers something new, too. Good call on those involved. But in recent days I've heard some people say that the new My Bloody Valentine maintains the "classic" 3D of a few decades ago. Classic? Uh, no! It's been recycled and repackaged with a few new modern tweaks and it’s still "classic". Although I had a lot of fun ducking the flying body parts from Harry's swings and pick-axe connects (especially the pick-axe), 3D, as a theatrical experience, is much the same as it was in the '70s, and '80s. Don't get me wrong, the depth and 3D perception is a lot more refined and profound, but it's the same deal. I find it drop dead funny how people are losing their minds over the thought of 3D movies. Obviously the '90s were just enough time to make people forget what was being said about Friday the 13th: Part 3 and Amityville in 3D back in the '80s.
Let me put it to you this way: The last 3D movie I checked out was Night of the Living Dead in 2007 and My Bloody Valentine kicks butt over that. But, it's still 3D. So just have some fun until we get the holographic characters walking around the theaters and crawling over seats.
Like I said, at least the remake brings the fun of '80s slasher pics and the original My Bloody Valentine back into the horror fold. Overall, that's what I still like best about the remake. The original has never gotten the mainstream respect it deserves. I loved the 1981 version, and still do, but the remake is a bloody fun ride into nostalgia. As compared to other films in the endless stream of '70s and '80s remakes, My Bloody Valentine 2.0 is one swinging pick-axe slash above the redo slushpile.
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