The After Dark Horrorfest: 2007
by Brian Tallerico

6. UNEARTHED
STARRING: Emmanuelle Vaugier, Luke Goss, Charlie Murphy, Beau Garrett, Tommy Dewey, and Tonantzin Carmelo
WRITTEN BY: Matthew Leutwyler
DIRECTED BY: Matthew Leutwyler
FEATURES:
"Miss Horrorfest Contest Webisodes"

It's a sign of how weak the remaining films in this year's Horrorfest are that Unearthed is actually the sixth best. Sometimes just the presence of Charlie Murphy and the gorgeous Emmanuelle Vaugier can lift you above your competition. Reminiscent of Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark (never a comparison a filmmaker wants to hear) or The Descent, if it was made by your kid brother, Unearthed is a mess, but it at least has some quality kills and gory creatures to keep you moderately intrigued for its running time. Unearthed is closer to a Sci-Fi Channel movie of the week in its rather traditional creature design and simple set-up, but it's so lazy on every level from the script that barely makes sense to the characters that are so loosely fleshed out they're practically see-through, that it doesn't even rise to B-movie glory.

Trying to recap Unearthed is about as easy as trying to summarize a Boll movie, but we'll give it a shot. Let's see - there is this Alien-esque creature that has been buried for centuries. A Native American unearths the parasitic baddie (hence the title) and livestock and truckers start disappearing. A gorgeous cop (Vaugier) with a troubled past must band together with the random folks who happen to have been stuck in town due to a gas shortage to stop the carnage. Unearthed throws other, better movies in a blender and hits puree. You've literally seen it ALL before, except maybe not with Charlie Murphy.

7. CRAZY EIGHTS
STARRING: Traci Lords, Dina Meyer, George Newbern, Gabrielle Anwar, Dan Deluca, and Frank Whaley
WRITTEN BY: Dan Deluca and James K. Jones
DIRECTED BY: James K. Jones
FEATURES:
"Miss Horrorfest Contest Webisodes"

One of the worst films of either year of After Dark Horrorfest, Crazy Eights stands out beyond the world of After Dark because it has the highest "recognizable cast to horrible filmmaking" ratio in a long time. With people like Frank Whaley, Dina Meyer, Traci Lords, and Gabrielle Anwar around, don't you think someone would have stopped and noted that the plot doesn't make any sense or that they're shooting it like a freshman film student? Honestly, Crazy Eights is somewhat mesmerizing in its ineptitude. The dialogue is cliched, no one thought out the actual plot, and the filmmaking is laughable. Some of the most ridiculous horror screenplays have been saved by talented filmmakers, but the entire team behind Crazy Eights drops the ball. It's poorly shot, written, directed, and even edited (some of the cuts add to the incomprehensibility of the plot). See it only as an example of what NOT to do when you're making a horror movie.

The talented-but-bored cast of Crazy Eights are there to tell the story of six people who are brought together after the funeral of one of their former friends. They settle the estate of their buddy Big Chill-style and find a map, which leads them on a treasure hunt straight out of Session 9. They end up at an old hospital that it turns out they all know very well. What are they all hiding about their childhood? Who will live and who will gruesomely die? How can they escape the demons from their past? Don't expect any answers. With a running time barely over an hour, Crazy Eights is all set-up, mistaking long, drawn-out shots for mood and failing to recognize that audiences demand at least a few answers in the final reel and one or two characters worth caring about.

8. LAKE DEAD
STARRING: Alex Quinn, Tara Gerard, Kelsey Crane, Kelsey Wedeen, Jim Devoti, and Dan Woods
WRITTEN BY: Daniel P. Coughlin
DIRECTED BY: George Bessudo
FEATURES:
"Miss Horrorfest Contest Webisodes"

What nonsense. Seriously, straight-to-video horror movies often get criticized for being too predictably like '80s slasher flicks but to say that about Lake Dead would be insulting to those movies. At least movies like Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter or April Fool's Day had some B-movie charm and it felt like the people on-screen were giving their all, but Lake Dead is simply d.o.a. The acting is on the level of a project from a college student and one who's not even planning on going to film school. Someone got their buddies together, watched Wrong Turn, and said "We can do that." Lake Dead almost feels like a joke horror movie that the character in a horror/comedy like Scream would be watching and ridiculing. The less said about it, the better.